this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the raccoons are back...
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