I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
