I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we're making bets on your personal life
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
