I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
