How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Your dad touched me again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
