i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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