We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sarcasm needs its own font
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
