...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
