Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
