Redeem this text for a blowjob
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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