Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
