we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
