it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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