i think i have herpe
just one?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
