I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
