Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
