I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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