so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
