Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
