my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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