Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
pop tarts are not kleenex
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
