God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
