he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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