It's Friday. Sex?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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