he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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