My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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