Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I had to cum in my sink.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
