If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
