Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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