I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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