I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
