I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
