My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My hand turned me down
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
