Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
