i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize