Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Boobs speak an international language.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
