I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
