i permit you to call me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
