Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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