benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
