i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
