perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
