is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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