I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
