I just made out with a guy for $7.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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