the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
