Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
