gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
