woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
