let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
