I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
